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Alpaca Love?
Now he thinks he's a musician?

Must be spending too much time with Seth, the man who thinks he can make anyone a musician!

April 23, 2005: In response to the overwhelming popularity of BAM's “www.ilovealpacas.com” (the song, not the site), the Alpaca has decided to parlay its newfound fame into an exciting career of its own. Along with a stray cat, a hound dog, a mockingbird, and a horse with no name, it has formed a high-energy ska band called Hoof and Horns. (more)

Dear Alpaca,

My name is, uh, "Janice", and I am (I think) a pretty easy going person. But I'm friends with a band I'll call "Macaroni and Cheese", and sometimes they drive me crazy! Whenever they visit upstate New York, they crash at my house, eat my food, drink my booze, and do god knows what in my pool. What should I do???

Dear "Janice" Suck it up, woman. And give the pool a major shock treatment, right now. Better yet, drain and reline it. God may not know what they did in your pool, but I've got a pretty good idea.

Do you have a question for The Alpaca?

Email us with your concerns and we'll forward it to him. He may have the answers you need! Or he may just mock you publicly. Yeah, that sounds about right.

"Kicks Dear Abby's ass!"
--Rent-a-Beat